Monday, July 24, 2006

Episode 5 : Love Letter....

It was a Wednesday afternoon, for some 'strange' reason (Yea, as though we have no idea why!) both HE and SHE took a half day off from office and rushed home. SHE reached home first in her Chevy. SHE parked, collected the letters from the letter box and headed home.

SHE placed the stack of letters in the To-Be-Checked-Letter-Palm. And went in to take her shower.

HE came back home. Walked into the house and heard the shower. SHE is showering. HE is excited. He noticed the letters on the Palm and went through it one by one. Thats when HE noticed a letter addressed to him but it's not a bill, invoice, statement or anything like that. It's a personal letter.

HE opened the letter and shocked to see that it was a LOVE LETTER.

It read....

Dear HE,

How have you been? I hope you still remember me.
It's been very 'long' since we last had anything in between us now.

I miss you like crazy. Over the years, I realised I will never be able to stay away from you.
You mean everything to me. Please come back to me. Leave 'her', and come back to me.

Or, if you are not ready, you can come to me as and when you like. I will accept you open heartedly. I love you so much.

The one you love.


Panicked! HE stood still. What should HE do. Tell HER about this and upset her at this point of time when both hof them have other 'stuffs' in mind? After all both came back home to have a 'good time'. Or pretend like HE didn't read this letter and make HER happy? What should he be doing now? HE heard the water drops in the shower stop. HE got to think and act. Fast. That's too much for a male!

S : Hon, you home? Come over to the room baby.
H : Err, yea baby. Give me 5 minutes.
S : wouldn't want to make me wait!
H : Just 5 minutes baby.

HIS excitement died. HE is confused. Come clean and accept the consequences or be happy first and think about this later?

Slowly HE walked to the room. The letter still in HIS grips.

H : Baby, before anything happens I need you to know something.
S : I'm sure we can talk about it later. You don't want to be 'talking' now. Don't you?
H : Baby, please listen to me. It's important.
S : Alright, alright. What is it?
H : You know I love you rite?
S : Yup.
H : Sincerely?
S : Aahha.
H : You know I will not betray you right?
S : Yes baby. I know. Whats wrong?
H : Will you believe someone if he or she tells you that I have been having an affair with someone else?
S : That depends on who the 'he' or 'she' is and also who are you having affair with.
H : mmmmm
S : I'm just kidding. I know my baby well. Nothing in this world can make me love you less.
H : Thanks baby.
S : Except for my Pedi and Mani session.
H : Ok.
S : And my CLEO magazine.
H : Ok.
S : And my Chanel outfit.
H : Ok ok! I don't care about that. But, there is something you need to know.
S : What?

HE handed her the letter. And SHE read it carefully, not to misinterpretate a single word or line of the letter. Once finished. SHE stood up, walked to him. And said...

S : Go and take your shower.
And she walked out of the room.
H : Baby, believe me. I got nothing to do with THIS. I really have no clue.
S : Just go and take your shower. I will prepare something for you.
H : Hon, please believe me. Do you still love me?
S : I will wait for you. Take shower now.

And SHE handed him a bath towel.
HE felt disappointed. And angry. Not towards HER but to the person who wrote the LETTER.
Slowly, he placed the letter on their reading table and walked towards shower. Thinking, how can HE make HER believe HIM. The fact is, he IS clean!

After 15 minutes, he walked out of the shower...only to find HER in the bed....

H : Baby?
S : Come here my sweetheart.
H : You are not angry or upset?
S : Nope.
H : Why?
S : Ssshhhhhh....(she passionately started kissing him and whispered). Coz I wrote that letter!
S : Yes baby. I just wanted to write you a letter and I did, since you were busy for the whole of last month and had no time for me.
H : GOSH! I almost fainted because of this and it's all your prank!
S : YES baby. Yes.
H : The 'her' you mentioned in the letter?
S : Your work!
H : Gosh. What have you prepared for me now?
S : The 'plastic stuff'
H : You naughty girl!
S : ha ha ha.....

A month long of hectic work ends in their bedroom at 4.00 pm!
Finally they realise that they still need food more than anything to survive and went out for a dinner at 7.30! What a day, a minute-drama, a major-make-up, and a happy ending. For once....

TBC ...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Episode 4 : Litter, rubbish,!

It's another day and another arguement between HIM and HER.
Sigh, can we at least see them romantically spend the time for 1 day without any arguements?
That's too much to ask isn't it? :)

This time around, the issue is who's responsible for the litter, rubbish, garbage in their house.

S : Hon, can you dump the rubbish from our room?
H : Huh? I thought I just did 2 days ago?
S : Yes, you did but now its full again. Can you?
H : I think you are littering more than me, you should get it!
S : What? There's no way you can prove that, right?
H : You want proof heh...ok wait here..
(he walks to their bedroom to get their rubbish bin)

H : Look, its all yours. You facial tissue, cotton buds, some 'personal stuffs', more 'personal stuffs', and more 'personal stuffs'. It's all yours! You get it!
S : Hey, its rubbish!
H : Exactly, and it's all yours!
S : I mean you. You, rubbish!
H : I'm yours too, ain't I?
S : Yes, but why can't you just get the rubbish. After all, the rubbish chute is right at our floor. You don't really have to walk too far for it.
H : It's not about that baby. It's about being responsible for our own rubbish! Your rubbish is yours, and mine is mine! Own your rubbish!
S : Grrr, stop doing this and please just dump it for me for once. Will you? I will work this one out tomorrow!

Next day.....

S : Here, from now onwards we will have HIS-Rubbish bin and HERS-Rubbish bin! You think its fair?
H : Gulp! Will this have any implications on our other activities in bedroom?
H : Gosh, baby. I will be your personal garbage collector ok. Don't take it seriously ok. I'm sorry.
S : Sorry no cure. OWN YOUR RUBBISH!


What a loser! HE is in the most uncompromising situation any man wants to be. OWN YOUR RUBBISH?! Yea rite. Now pay for your own rubbish too! He went on begging for an hour before she goes to bed, dumping their 'personal plastic stuffs' in HIS-RUBBISH BIN!


Monday, July 10, 2006

Episode 3 : Yes Pet, No Pet

Only after a few weeks, SHE wanted to add a new member into their family.
She was seriously considering her options, will they have time, are they financially secured to take up this new resposibility, will they be able to shower TLC, what about its daily needs and the additional expense it is going to spell?

S : Hon, should we add another member into our family?
H : WHAT!!! So early. I thought we will talk 'babies' only after 2 years, its only been few weeks now? Are you bored with me or what?
S : Hoi! First of all, I'm not talking about babies and secondly I am not bored with you....yet.
H : yet?
S : Yes, yet! ha ha ha
H : I demand an apology from you now!
S : Well, ok. Where do you want it?
H : Hey, I'm talking about saying 'Sorry' verbally. Nothing else. Don't get ideas ok!
S : Your lost. Not mine. Anyway, 'Sorry for the inconvenience caused'
H : Ya ya, papaya. Now, who are you talking about adding to our family? Your mum? dad? sister? neighbour? uncle? aunty? cousin?
S : None. I want to have a puppy...can I. (giving him the sweetest possible look she could express)
S : Cat?
H : Cats too...
S : Gosh, I want a pet. And I demand a pet.
H : What's wrong with me? Aint I cute, tall, dark, handsome, chubby, and an all-rounder just like what you wanted all along, rite?
S : Yes you are! Not denying it. But, I think we can make do with another one right?
H : Mmm, baby please. No dogs, cats, reptiles, any animal that can over grow, create a swarm or turn vampire at nite. Anything else, we may consider it.
S : Canary?
H : Smelly.
S : Tortoise?
H : Too slow. Won't be able to pick the papers. And it's a reptile.
S : Rabbit?
H : I hate carrots. So, I'm not going to buy for anyone in the house as well.
S : Hamster?
H : Too small. I might step on them.
S : Horse?
H : This is not a stable-lah!
S : Then what do you want! Why are you so difficult! Grrr.
H : Ok ok, how about fish?
S : Fish? Who's going to clean the aquarium? You? Both 'Before' and 'After', ok!
H : Mmmm. Now thats a tough call. May be we can get salt water fish. That kinda aquariums doesn't require much of cleaning and it is not to be done often. We can get the professionals to clean it every 3 months once. I can pay for it.
S : What fish?
H : May be, Nemo? Dory? Some other colourful fishes?
S : u are talking.
H : Alright, we can go down to 'Asia's Largest Shopping Mall' tomorrow to get an aquarium. Ok?
S : Coolio. Just a question.
H : Yes baby, shoot.
S : Can it pick the newspapers???!?!?!?!??!

They started chasing each other in the living room, continued to bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, before resting on the couch and watch, 'Flowers for Algernon'!

Fish or mice? Fish or mice? Fish or mice?


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Episode 2 : Sharing house chores

After settling into their brand new apartment, the usual house chores came into their life.
Being working couples, doesn't really help for neither of them. So they had to decide on the house chores to be divided among them.

S : Now, we are done with settling down. We got to decide on the house chores sharing. Ok baby?
H : What do you have to do?
S : Cooking mainly, dish washing, laundry, house cleaning, marketing, bill payments, filing, and other minor works.
H : Phew. That sounds like a lot of work. Thank god I married you. Else I wouldn't know how I will be able to handle all this. Thanks Hon.
S : Cut the crap, you married me or married who-ever you got to share the work load. Alright?
H : Relax-lah baby. Ok ok, what do you suggest.
S : Ok, here's the plan.
H : Where?
S : Listen to me firstlah *****!
H : Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute. As the MAN of the house I have said there should not be any alcohol, cigarette OR vulgarities in the house. Although vulgarities are allowed as when it is required under particular circumstances. *wink* *wink*
S : Alritto buritto. Now, my dear MAN of the house, can we discuss?
H : Yea baby.
S : I will cook on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday our dinner-date day, we eat out. Thursday, Friday you cook. Saturday and Sunday, we cook together. When I'm cooking, you do the dish washing. When you are cooking I will do the dish washing. Ok?
H : mmmmm.....
S : House cleaning to be done once a week, every saturday evening both to be involved. Agree?
H : mmmmm....
S : Laundry is simple, I put it to wash, you put it out to dry. Simple rite?
H : mmmmm....
S : Marketing, every Saturday morning depending on who's at home. ok?
H : mmmmm....
S : Why keep 'mmmmm'-ing? Say something....
H : Ok.
S : What?
H : I just said 'ok'? Didn't I?
S : Grrr. Ok Bill payments by you, filing by me?
H : mmmmmm.....ok.
S : So all agreed?
H : Hon, I really don't understand why housewives make a big deal out of house chores.
S : What are you blabbering?
H : You see, there are only 2 activities involved in any house. The 'BEFORE' and the 'AFTER'. That's all there is to it.
S : Huh? (look confused)
H : I will explain, but before that. This 'BEFORE' and 'AFTER' activities differs by its need. So We will have to have equal 'before' and 'after's between us ok.
S : I'm not getting it?
H : I will draw for you, usual. (so he takes out a piece of paper and a pen to sketch out the house chores)

H : By this table baby everything is divided equally. You have 4 'Befores' and I have 3 'Befores'. You have 3 'Afters' and I have 4 'Afters'. See its so fair isn't it.
S : Can you explain more about this 'Before' and 'After' thingie? I've never been this confused in my whole life before. Not even as much as I was when I said 'Yes' to you.
H : Ok, I will explain.
Cooking = Before : the cooking itself, YOURS. After : To eat it, MINE.
Dish Washing = Before : getting the dirty dishes ready to be washed, MINE. After : To clean it, YOURS.
Laundry = Before : to wash it, YOURS. After : To wear it, MINE.
House Cleaning = Before : the get it untidy, unclean so there will be a need to clean it, MINE. After : To clean it, YOURS.
Marketing = Before : to drive down to the market, YOURS. After : To bring back the marketed items back home, MINE.
Bill Payments = Before : to receive the bills, MINE. After : To pay it, YOURS.
Filing = Before : the get the folders ready and file the bills, letters, etc. YOURS. After : To check it, MINE.

H : See, I'm being fair right?
S : *toooooot* *toooooot* *toooooot*
H : Aaha, I'm ready baby. Where do you want it?
S : What are you talking?
H : I said, vulgarities are allowed only under certain circumstances. So i think you want me to create the circumstance now, right? I am getting it ready baby. Living room or bedroom? You choose. 'Before' is yours, 'After' is mine!

A good, fruitful discussion ended up in hot, steamy physical actions. Sigh.....
Location, unknown as it kept changing.

(TBC - To Be Continued)...

Monday, July 03, 2006

Episode 1: The apartment

Finally, after zeroing down on 2 apartments near Lake Salmon HE and SHE came to common understanding that they love the apartment at Sushi Villa. It's a perfect place. Accessible to public transports, near to Asia's largest shopping mall, well populated, and very near to KL city.

They proceeded with the procedures in securing the apartment which costs them RM 180K in nearest round figure. Deposit of 10%, S&P and etc got them to cough up RM 25K initially. Thanks to both of their savings this was achieved quite easily without breaking much sweat. The sweat they had to break was only due to the heat in Lake Salmon. They came up with another 20K to get the place renovated and furnished.

The apartment - its at 7th floor (his lucky number), unit 2006 (her birth date, 26). This happened to be one of the reasons why they settled with this unit. It's a decent aparment with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, kitchen, living room and a balcony.

The balcony is just what HE always wanted, a full glass access right in the living room. So, you have no obstructions from the living room walking to the balcony. HE loves this so much. Being the TV-freak HE is, HE wants his living room to be perfect.

Her obsession in the house, the BATHROOM! SHE is so particular about the bathroom, be it wet or dry. SHE reminds HIM of Bree van Der Kamp! (whatever the spelling may be!)

He(H) : So, how our new place baby?
She(S) : Just like my baby....perfect....
(smooches exchanged for about 2 minutes)
H : So, are we going to perform the pooja?*
H : Ok ok, why shouting?
S : I am not shouting baby, I am SCREAMING!
H : Hey, what wrong with you? Why screaming?
S : It's our house Hon. It's OURS! No one to question us anymore!
H : Wait till the uncle next door knocks on our door...

Knock, knock, knock.....
(both puzzled, could it be the uncle next door?)

H : I'll get it. (still confused as they are not expecting any visitors on the first day itself)

At the door, a young chap with his female companion holding a plate in his hand with some sweets on it greeted HIM.

H : Hi, hello. Can I help you?.
Guests : Hi, we are the Tan's. We live right next to you, 2004. We thought we can drop by and welcome you to our apartment.
H : That's so sweet of you. Please come in. Baby, we have Mr and Mrs Tan here please serve them something to drink.
Tan's: Hello "uncle", we are not Mr and Mrs Tan-lah! My name is Tan Chee Ming, this is my SISTER Tan Swee Ling.
H : Blushing, embarassed and totally dumb-witted. Oh, err....he he he. I am sorry guys, I'm really sorry.
He-Tan : It's ok. No problem.
S : Hi Mr & Mrs Tan, welcome to our new place.
H : Hon, they are not Mr & Mrs Tan. They are from Mr. Tans family. This is Chee Ming and his sister Swee Ling. They are siblings. Don't you know that chinese family members share the same surname, bla bla bla...(obviously he is trying to make her feel more embarassed than him.)
S : Opps. I'm sorry.

That's how their first meeting with the member of Tan's went. Not a good start but at least there wasn't any issues with HER shouting and screaming! or, they thought so.......

(TBC - To Be Continued)...

* - Indians perform a pooja for any new house they move in to, to get rid of any evil spirit which may exist. Oh by the way, our HE and SHE are an indian couple.

Welcome introductory into the life of HE and SHE

Welcome. Thank you for dropping by my new blog-com (ala sit-com) about HE and SHE.

This blog is all about the daily happenings of HE and SHE who are young, married, white-collar working couple. They live in an imagenary city called Lake Salmon, Kuala Lumpur. Cool rite? They co-own a small apartment which they plan to stay in for the next 10 years.

They have been married only for 1 month now, and we will be experiencing their daily lives, at work, at home, their emotional roller-coaster, family, friends, pets, hobbies, movies and everything in their life. Including AND excluding their sex lives. Mentions here and there are to be seen but not in great detail to lable this blog as Porn-o-log. :)

By the way, let me introduce you guys to the protagonists of our story. HE and SHE.
HE - 30, hard working entreprenuer, cool guy, friendly and a free thinker, sort of.
SHE - 31, successful PR Consultant, even more friendlier than HIM, and believes in god more than anything.

They have known each other for more than 5 years, before deciding to get married and settle down.

After a few years of financial struggle they own an apartment, as I have mentioned, a black Audi, and a Chevy. Both are very career minded, open minded, pro self critisizing and enjoys kicking each others butts (literally).

Now, lets walk into their new apartment and guide them through out their lifes obstacles and hurdles....

p/s: This is totally imagenary, got nothing to do with the dead, alive or kicking!